Was fueling up at home in Quebec during the off season...

What was holding me back in the past few years? I was happy but part of me felt numb. I never really realized my emotional life had changed as I was sincerely happy everyday. But something was missing, just that little extra edge that makes all the difference. During the off season, I realized how key these things are for my soul: THRILL, excitement, variety, change, discovery, RISK, uncertainty. I need them. These last two years, I have been more -safe- and -calculating- then I ever was. (Isn't that just called growing up or rather…getting old??? I don't want THAT!). After my first podium at worlds 70.3, I felt like I had achieved something that was fragile and so new, that I was afraid to lose and I began trying to control things (training more reasonably, choosing races strategically, playing it -smart-, making estimations on performance, placing expectations and being hard on myself about making sure I keep on performing better and better). Now I understand that all that process made me lose part of myself and life outside of triathlon only made me realize it now, in the last few months. I need to be living my life with thrill and excitement everyday. The key to this will be to stop fearing sadness or disappointment or any emotion we define as -bad-, they are hard to live but they are often necessary on the way to success. They also are food for the soul because even if the emotions are sometimes painful, they make you feel alive and appreciate all those good emotions when they come. I realize that nothing will make me feel more numb then comfort and calculation, I believe it is the first thing that made me lose some of that passion that makes champions and happy souls. I wonder…are there many -reasonable- great champions in this world? I DOUBT IT.

-Personal Legend-

Like my favorite author, Paolo Coelho, I believe that all of us are put on the earth for a reason. So many people are in search of their -purpose-, their reason to live or a way to impact the world to feel a little bit less mortal. In his book, The Alchemist, Coelho presents his point of view beautifully. He explains that -we all are born to realize our own PERSONAL LEGEND-. He talks about the incredible force that resides in each of us, the one that fuels our dreams. Another one of my favorite authors,-Antoine de St-Exupery-, refers a lot to the INNER CHILD and what a strength it is when it is kept ALIVE in the adult. It is that power of -innocence- (trust in life and in the future) that beautiful innocence that leads to BELIEF and ultimately, to the realization of our personal legend.

I think many reasons make some of us lose a little bit of our belief and our passion as we -grow up- and -conform- to society, as we move forward in life and as some of us start caring too much about the judgment of others. We learn to place our emotions in little boxes and to be -normal-. In today's reality, it is easy to lose touch of that inner child, that powerful essence we were given along with our talents. We adults have less time to ourselves, less time to take a step back, a deep breath and evaluate how we are doing emotionally and how we are growing inside. I think I was starting to lose some of that inner child- in my last two years of racing. THAT was the source of my loss of confidence at times.

Obstacles to success:

Paolo Coelho suggests that the reason why some never quite realize their -personal legend- is because of these four obstacles placed in our way during our lifetime:

1 -We are told from childhood onward that the -incredible- things we want to do are impossible.

2-If we have the courage to disinter dream, we are then faced by the second obstacle: Love. We know what we want to do but we are afraid of hurting those around us by abandoning everything in order to pursue our dream.

3-Once we have accepted that love is a stimulus, we come up against the third obstacle: fear of the defeats we will meet on the path (…) because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: -Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway.-

4-Having disinterred our dream, having used the power of love to nurture it (…) we suddenly notice that what we wanted is there, waiting for us, perhaps the very next day. Then comes the fourth obstacle: the fear of realizing the dream for which we fought all our lives. Oscar Wilde said: -Each man kills the thing he loves-. And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary person with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up to get this far.

(…)

but if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get (…) you understand why you are here.

I recognize each of those obstacles Coelho mentions in his book…I have faced them and have recently realized that I have been a little stuck on the last one in the past year. I feel like something just clicked and that I am now ready for more. I want to race with more belief then ever, go back to dreaming real big and having FUN. Doing it all to celebrate life. Taking things from my life outside of the sport, exciting new things in life, and using them to inspire myself to race faster then ever.

I believe that when you are in the right place, fighting the good fight and on route to your dream, everything around you conspires to make your dream happen. You get a lot of what some like to call coincidences. You meet friends or strangers that deliver the perfect message at the perfect time, pieces of a puzzle are handed to you and if you believe in life, you will recognize those pieces and use them to build your dream. People come in and out of your life, bringing strength directly or making you stronger by causing obstacles or by making you realize your weakness. All things that happen can be used as building blocs, all the good and all the bad. And I believe that things always happen for a reason.

It seems the further I move into my own personal journey, the more people there are around me that have great souls and share outstanding energy. When I started in the sport, I was surrounded with doubt, a lot of people told me I could never make it . I was told that several times. I thank those people now as I actually know they HELPED me get inspired and crave my dream even more. I chased it with so much hunger and CONVICTION back then, when there was less reason to believe it could actually happen. One year, I made my move and decided to take a chance and believe that I could commit 100 percent to training and everything started coming true. That was the year I got the first podium at worlds and it was an amazing, life changing year. An affirmation that I was on the right path. From there, I met so many people that supported me and gave me love and encouragements and finally, now, when I need it the most, I am seeing all of those great things grow exponentially. Everyday, I look around and feel blessed. I am at the point where I am surrounded with extraordinary souls. The last thing I need to do is -accept- all of these wonderful things, accept that true happiness and excitement can be a reality pretty much EVERYDAY of my life and use it to go forward. Go out and get it. Because everything in my life is telling me to!

In the last few months…all of a sudden, life was giving me an answer to what exactly was holding me back AS A PERSON and consequently, as an athlete.

It was the off season and inspiration came from everywhere: in books I read, new friendships or re-connecting with old friends. It was also in random events that happened coincidentally, it was striking how EVERYTHING was telling me the same thing and it ended up being a change in How I FELT about pursuing my goal. I started feeling the sharper passion I first had when I started in the sport and an incredible energy. I feel renewed because in the last few months, life has shown me the things I needed to change about myself in oder to allow myself to truly live fully:

-Let go of the judgement of others.

-Be more confident. Key word: integrity

-Do things in the name of passion and love.

-Remove doubt, just trust in life and in all things good.

-Take risks (this has always been a primary motivator of mine).

-Stay positive in all situations as all situations are there to make me grow.

-Stay in the present, give your best at every moment but let go of expectations. Embrace what life has given me and use that feeling to generate the future.

-Future is built in the present. Stay in the moment. Build in the moment.

Mainly:

-Release myself from fears, and SIMPLY go for it.

I need passion and I need thrill, I need high emotions. That is my fuel. I need to share intense feelings and that is WHY I love what I do.

That is how I want to live my life in the future and this is the athlete I want to be.

BRING IT!!!

Here's to 2012!!!!!! May we all chase our dreams with passion and see them come true.

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